Yianni & Despina

My Parents were an arranged marriage. Yianni, my father was quite the eligible bachelor. He 'struck out' profusely in Sommerville, Massachusetts. So his overbearing Greek mother flew him on a plane to the remote island of Chios, Greece where she had some distant relatives and close friends. Who knows? Maybe a desperate villager struggling to feed his family would gladly sign over their daughter for a more fortunate life in America. Despina, (my mother), who was lost in a shuffle to a litter of seven held the winning ticket in her hand that fateful day when my grandmother came knocking on their door with the prize at her side. Yianni, (my father), really stood out! He was 5'10" tall and about 6 ft wide. Sure in America Yianni was considered a "fatty," but in Greece he had the equal integrity of a NFL linebacker. He seemed towering to my mother who was a farm girl just under 5 ft. He was a massive man from America and was interested in Despina, who was a goat milking fidget. They scheduled an engagement dinner at my mother's house for the two families. Yianni, made an immediate impression on my mother when he savagely consumed an entire orange with the peel intact. Despina, was immediately confused and assumed this was either customary or idiosyncratic of ALL Americans.



Yianni immediately mesmerized Despina (in his badly broken Greek), with "Big Fish" stories which included all the ingredients of a 'best seller.' He was an intrepid success in America! Apparently, rubbing elbows with the affluent, massively wealthy and famous, not to mention infamous.. He had Despina hook, line and sinker. Being inexperienced, sheltered and naive, Despina was hypnotized with Yianni's 'economy size' bullshit! He continued to impress her with his supposed close friendship with the Kennedy's. He even went as far as to say, he frequently barbecued with the Kennedy's in his backyard. And would on occasion accompany other prominent political figures on yachting excursions. His yacht of course! Despina, was beside herself! Could it be that in this distant town Chios, she actually hit the jack pot??? She would no doubt be famous herself, merely by association. Her ship or rather yacht came in and she was going to be on board! She was a huge fan of the Kennedy's and agreed to be his wife. Fully aware of the "no backies" policy both families agreed on. The families then literally arranged the marriage and they were married in Greece. Both my parents were virgins, and woefully unprepared for not ONLY life, but the simple task of consummating their union. I imagine playing a game of twister with sun tan oil in the dark, was less arduous than Yianni, locating the appropriate oriphice to "seal the deal."



Shortly after the wedding, Despina was plucked out of her goat milking, olive growing village and re-rooted int he historical town of Lexington, Massachusetts. Where she found herself in a foreign land, without her family and was soon left with the frightful realization that Americans did indeed peel their oranges before consuming them. Clearly, Yianni never went to 'finishing school,' and Despina who was OBSESSED with etiquette found this to be a possible grounds for an annulment. Now the only thing she had to look forward to was sharing a souvlaki or a hot dog with Jackie O at one of Yianni's high profile barbeque's. Needless to say, the summer came and went and the ONLY time Despina saw the Kennedy's was on TV or on the cover of a magazine. In short, Despina was officially and thoroughly shattered of all hope. She was left with the gravitational pull of reality that Yianni, had a little bit of a LYING PROBLEM!